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Rose sat in the hayloft, staring out the window. The view was picturesque; a big, green meadow, horses grazing quietly while their young foals cavorted nearby, a cloudless blue sky, touched only by the nearby mountains. It should have been enough to fill a person with the pure joy of life but Rose saw none of it. For her there had been only a gray haze since the day the telegram arrived.
She remembered vividly the look on Nick's face as he handed it to her. He hadn't opened it. He didn't need to. They all knew what a telegram meant when someone was in the service. Rose had taken the yellow envelope from her father in silence, her eyes never leaving his face. Nick looked old suddenly, as if he'd aged twenty years in the last few minutes. And then she'd opened it.
"We regret to inform you..."
Those words were burned into Rose's mind. Over the blur of the following days they were all she could think of. They played over and over like a refrain from a bad song. The telephone calls to Jake's family, all the arrangements, the trip to New Mexico; none of it was clear to her. Even the funeral they'd held today was unreal. The only other thing that stood out in her mind was the look on Jake's father's face when he'd seen her.
Jake had warned Rose about his father and at their wedding it was obvious the man wasn't thrilled about his only son's choice for a wife. Rose could live with that. She was marrying the son not the father and they wouldn't be living anywhere nearby. She'd dealt with people's prejudices before. As long as she had Jake's love, she could put up with anything.
Rose felt the tears coming again and she closed her eyes to keep them in check. It had been hard enough to have to come here without Jake; to face her father-in-law alone. Of course, Nick and her sisters had been here with her but she still felt alone.
The door to the barn slid open noisily. Rose wondered who might be coming in. She didn't want to talk to anyone right now. Maybe if she stayed quiet the newcomer would go about their business and leave her in peace. She leaned back against the wall and listened. The sound of voice filtered up into the loft.
"He's such a hosepail! I don't believe him sometimes."
"I wish you'd shut up," a second voice pleaded. "You're gonna get in trouble."
"I don't care," the first speaker shot back defiantly. "Somebody needs to tell him what a damn pig he is."
They sounded like boys, fairly young. Rose was curious to find out who they were talking about.
"I just can't believe how awful he was to her."
"He won't change, Andy. You getting all mad about it won't change anything."
"I wish he'd been the one to die, not J.J."
Rose straightened up at that. Jake had told her some of his young cousins called him J.J. They were talking about Jake...and his father...and about her.
"Don't say that, Andy. Please. What if he did die?"
"Oh, Murph. Don't be dumb. Besides, he's too rotten to die."
"Well, I still think you're gonna get in trouble if you don't keep your mouth shut."
"I can't help it. He made her cry! You saw it! Like she wasn't sad enough; he had to go and open his big mouth and start telling her it was her fault. He had no call to do that...calling her a dirty Jap. Jake wasn't even in Japan. He was in Viet Nam."
There was a loud bang as if the angry boy had thrown something. Rose smiled to herself. In spite of all the hurt, it helped to know that not all Jake's family felt the same way his father did. Even if her defenders were only these two, it lifted her spirits. For the first time in days Rose felt something besides despair.
She moved over to the edge of the loft to get a look at her young advocates. She was right. Two boys, about fourteen or fifteen were busying themselves with the horses. One was on the small side, with long, shaggy blond hair. The other was tall and thin; his dark, blond hair more conservatively cut. They'd called each other Murph and Andy but Rose didn't know which was which. She hadn't been around her husband's family enough to put faces to names.
As she sat there, perched on the edge of the loft, the taller boy happened to glance up and catch sight of her. A look of startled fear crossed his face as he threw a brush over the horse to hit his friend.
"Hey, what's the..."
"Andy...uh, we got company."
The smaller boy looked up and saw her as well. His face flushed red with embarrassment.
"I told you..." the first boy began.
"Shut up, Murphy," Andy ordered gruffly. He gave Rose a challenging look. "It's not polite to spy on people," he informed her.
Rose laughed. She knew he wasn't mad at her, more at himself for being caught.
"Calm down, guys," she told them kindly. "I heard what you were saying and I appreciate it."
"You won't tell anybody?" Murphy asked, relief evident on his face.
"Who would I tell?" Rose asked.
Both boys grinned at that.
"What're you doing up there?" Murphy asked.
Rose shrugged. "Just thinking. It wasn't very comfortable in the house."
"You can say that again," Andy agreed. He glanced over at Murphy then back up at Rose. "Did you want us to leave you alone?"
Up until that moment, Rose would have said yes but suddenly she didn't want to be all by herself. She had an overwhelming need for someone to talk to.
"No...that's okay." She smiled at them. "You want to come up?"
The boys exchanged a look that obviously said, "why not". They came over and scrambled up the ladder, settling themselves onto a couple of hay bales. It was awkwardly quiet for a few minutes then Andy piped up.
"Uh...what do you wanna talk about?"
Rose had resumed her place at the window.
"Tell me about Jake...what you remember."
They looked at each other uneasily.
"Really," Rose urged them. "There's so much I never knew about him."
Andy scratched his head. "Well...he was a lot older than us. Let me see..."
"Hey," Murphy brightened. "How 'bout that time at the reunion when he put the stink bomb in the bunkhouse and nobody could sleep there for three days."
Andy laughed. "For once, Uncle Jake wasn't mad at me."
Murphy gave Andy a sock to the shoulder. "He's not always mad at you."
"No, only most of the time," Andy replied. "Oh, wait! I know! Remember when J.J. and that girl he was going with got caught kissing in Grandma's room."
They rambled on. Their memories grew as they talked. Rose sat back and listened intently. She and Jake had known each other for so short a time. It wasn't fair. She had almost nothing of him to call her own. She needed to learn about him and these two would be her teachers.
They must have spent the better part of an hour up in the loft before conversation dwindled and soon lapsed altogether. The boys had run out of stories and looked ready to leave. Andy however, leaned toward Rose and regarded her curiously.
"Are you gonna live here?" he asked.
Rose shook her head. "No. I'll go back home with my family. I don't really think your uncle wants me around anyway."
"Too bad," Andy sighed. "You're fun. And you'd keep Uncle Jake stirred up."
Rose smiled. "Well, if you want to see Uncle Jake stirred up be sure and be around when he gets a letter from me."
They gave her a confused look.
"I have something to tell him. I was going to let him know while I was here but I think now I'll wait 'til I'm back home."
"What's that?" Murphy asked.
"I'm going to have a baby," she told them. "No one knows...not even my own family yet."
"A baby?" Murphy's eyes widened.
"That's great!" Andy told her excitedly. "And you're right. Uncle Jake is gonna flip out!"
"I think he deserves a little 'flipping' after some of the things he's said," Rose commented dryly.
The sound of the dinner triangle suddenly rang loudly. Both boys jumped up.
"Are you coming to dinner?" Murphy asked.
"In a bit," Rose told him.
They headed toward the ladder then and both came back over to where she sat. At the same time, each kissed her both of her cheeks.
"We're glad you're in the family," Murphy told her.
"Yeah," Andy agreed. "We're not all like Uncle Jake."
"I know," Rose said. "That's good to know. Now go on. Don't be late."
"Heck no," Andy stated. "Grandma's the best cook in the world."
They climbed down out of the loft and raced out of the barn. Rose heard the kitchen door slam as they entered the house. She supposed she would have to gear herself up for another encounter with Jake. At least they would be leaving in the morning. Then she would never have to set foot here again.
The newly-risen sun shone brightly as it glistened off the frosty ground. Rose wrapped her coat around her tighter as she stood at the grave. Too new to have grass or even a headstone, she had to settle for placing the flowers on the mound of dirt.
"I guess this is good-bye, Jake," she said softly. "I don't think I'll be able to come here very often." She had to pause as the tears threatened to spill down her face. "I wish it could be different with your family. I met a couple of those cousins you were always talking about. They're nice boys. I hope when our baby grows up it'll be able to know them."
She stood there in silence for quite some time. She wasn't even aware of the person coming up beside her until she felt the comforting arm around her shoulder.
"You ready to go, Sweetheart?"
Rose turned to meet Nick's concerned eyes. She didn't trust her voice so she merely nodded. She leaned against him as they walked away from the cemetery to the limo waiting to take them to the airport. He'd been so strong for her during this entire ordeal. Even when she knew he'd wanted nothing more than to punch Jake Sr.'s lights out, he'd held back for her sake. She loved him more than anything else in the whole world. When they got back to Los Angeles she would be sure to tell him he was going to be a grandfather. He would flip out as well but for reasons far different than her father-in-law.
They got into the car and drove away. Rose never looked back. There was nothing for her here. Her life was in the future now.